Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Springtime Memories

I love Spring. I love the smell of the flowers blooming. I have a rush of memories that come over me as soon as Spring arrives. I am reminded of when I was a young girl, playing outside with the neighborhood kids, going camping with my family, mom buying us new clothes for the warmer weather & I am reminded of spending time with my grandmother who was dying from lung cancer.

I took care of my grandmother when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was 63 years old. She was a smoker her whole life. When she was first diagnosed they did surgery to remove the tumor and some sessions of radiation. When the tumor grew back, she moved on to chemotherapy treatments. That is when it took a toll on her body really bad. I remember her and I would drive around to the local fruit and vegetable stands to try and help her eat fresh things to try and gain some strength. She was so weak. I literally watched her wither away before my eyes. It scared me to death. She would always tell everyone in the family to quit smoking, she would beg them to stop. She regretted her choice to smoke so bad. She was a very fun person, very sociable, had a lot of friends, and got along with anyone. It was so heartbreaking to watch someone like that wilt away to nothing. By the end of her life, she was laying in a hospital bed in her dining room. When she died, we sat with her that whole day and night, talking about things we remembered her doing, reminiscing about the holidays with her, and other good times. We still held on to hope that she would somehow pull through. That was not the case, I left her house and drove about 10 minutes to my house, my aunt and cousin went to their rooms, they lived with her, and about 20 minutes later my aunt went down to check on her, and she was dead. I think she waited until we left. I wish she wouldn't have though, I don't think anyone should die alone. I was devastated, but part of me was relieved that she no long suffered.

Every spring since she has been gone I am overwhelmed with the memories I have of her, its almost like I can sense her with me. Its odd. Its the only time of year that I have that feeling. I think of her often, but not the way I do when spring arrives.

She had rose bushes outside of her house. When she died, we chose to put mini pink roses pinned on a satin heart shaped pillow in her coffin. She loved roses.

I was really blessed to have loving grandparents. I no longer have any. I lost my other grandmother 2 years ago. I was so sad to realize that I no long have grandparents. I really try to take my kids around theirs, I want them to have the same type of relationship that I had with mine. Its such a special bond.

If you still have grandparents, call them today and tell them you love them.

Here is a pic of my grandmother who was taken so soon by cancer. I think she was really beautiful.


  1. She was very beautiful. I also lost my grandma. She was bedridden with osteoporosis the last 20 years of her life. I took care of her until I had to move to a townhouse, then she went to live with my aunt. Broke her hep and spent the last years of her life in a nursing home.

    1. Thank you! Awe. Its a blessing to be able to take care of our loved ones, even when its so hard watching them get sick. Thank you for the comment!

  2. What a beauty! I can see that you take after her. I too, was the primary caregiver of my grandmother and those moments towards the end were some of the best and worst times of my life. Enjoy your spring!!

    1. Thank you for the comment! Its bittersweet to be able to be there in the end for our loved ones, even though its so hard, I wouldn't trade it for anything.